Republicans Ruin Everything

It has been a while since I have added to my blog and when family members asked me why I stopped writing, I had to seriously consider their question.  It is not like I feel I have nothing to say.  The state of our Union has not been in this much crisis since the 1860’s.  There should be plenty to say.  I realized, however, that the POINT of saying anything has been greatly diminished in the Trumpistanian era.  There are too many egregious examples to cite here, but when the man who claims to be the President stands in front of a crowd and speculates that a recently deceased, long-serving Congressman is probably in hell, and many in the crowd cheer wildly, we have probably crossed the Rubicon on any hope of meaningful civil discourse.

It is true that some people who showed up for the Battle Creek speech booed Trump.  But not enough.  And I am not going to be one of those who is going to take advantage of Trump’s insult to canonize John Dingell or shower his wife with sympathy and campaign contributions (as she would like us to do).  John Dingell was in Congress a long time.  He promoted issues important to many of his constituents.  He was solidly on the wrong side of many issues as well.  His wife, who complains about being bullied by an uncivil president, is herself a well-known uncivil person to many in politics.  Her attempts to use the inappropriate Trump comments to raise campaign money is just as crude as the Trump comments themselves.  That’s Debbie Dingell.

But I digress.

I wanted to write this piece to complain about how Republicans are ruining everything.  Twice in the last month I used a well-known cliché to describe a person as “bat-shit crazy.”  I am not even sure what that literally means, but we have used it in our society a long time to describe people who seem to be capable of saying and doing almost anything at any moment.  It has the word “shit” in it, so people generally chuckle when they hear it.

But not anymore.  On November 21, 2019, when Michigan Republican Senate Majority Leader Mike Shirkey used that phrase to describe Governor Gretchen Whitmer and other Democrats as “bat-shit crazy”, it was immediately decried as a sexist attack on women in power.   (I don’t know how people got from A to B here, but I’m the old white guy and I’m not supposed to be able to know that.)  However they did it, none of us are allowed to use the “bat-shit crazy” expression anymore without also being accused of being sexist.  Even when it’s completely appropriate to use the expression, we can’t.  See, Republicans ruin everything.

(ed note: Shirkey once compared abortion to slavery, so that dude is bat-shi….er…er…er…off his rocker.)

In the public interest, therefore, I am going to offer some up some expressions we can use in place of “bat-shit crazy” when we need to point out how completely incapable of logic, perception, and informed decision making a person might be.

Proposal #1: Viper Vomit Vacuous – Pros: It has the bodily fluid element and some nifty alliteration.  Cons: It’s unclear that vipers vomit.

Proposal #2: Pipistrello Merda Pazzo – Pros: It’s Italian for bat-shit crazy, thus preserving the original intent of the cliché.  Cons: It’s in Italian

Proposal #3: Trump Supporteresque – Pros: It perfectly fits the spirit of the original cliché.  Cons: Trump and the Trumpistanians will think it’s a compliment.

Proposal #4: Nuttier than a Porta Potty at a Peanut Festival – Pros: It’s got the alliteration, the bodily fluid reference, and is fun to say.  Cons: It’ll push the strict word/letter limits for Letters to the Editor and/or Twitter

So there’s a start. I believe it’s very important to have a handy cliché to use that won’t offend half the population when we need to accurately describe guys like Shirkey or Trump or people who don’t understand time zones.   Let me know in comments your suggestions.  Gotta run. It’s time to go hang upside down and defecate.

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2 Comments on “Republicans Ruin Everything”

  1. Marcia Pontoni December 21, 2019 at 12:02 pm #

    The entire family votes for number four. I read it out loud to Troy and he was really laughing pretty hard. I love that you’re writing again. I look forward to your blog but noticed I hadn’t seen it lately. Stay in touch let me know where you are. I heard you’re not in Petosky anymore. Keep up the good writing!

  2. marypc December 21, 2019 at 1:14 pm #

    Hi Mark, So glad you’re writing again! #4 is a definite winner for me. And here’s something you can use when texting: BYILH (Bless your ignorant little heart) – worst insult in the south!

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